


Shark Week

by harrycrewe



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, CrackityCrack, Earnest Marine Biologists, Other, Sharks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrycrewe/pseuds/harrycrewe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Shark is a giant, noble Great White. Steve Rogers is the one-armed shark attack victim turned conservationist who loves him. Crackfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shark Week

**Author's Note:**

> Just some silliness. I was tempted to tag this Pepper/Tony/Steve for fun although there is no actual Steve/Tony in it. Thanks to ctrl_issue for inspiration and shark-related terminology.

It was a warm day, and the shallow waters near to the coast were full of fish. Tony swam lazily, enjoying the feeling of the water on his fins, and the way the smaller sharks scattered in his wake.

“That’s right!” he said. “I’m here, ladies and gentlemen. Get out of the way. Hot stuff coming through.”

So what if these were technically human waters. Those funny little monkeys didn’t bother him.

In fact, wasn’t that one of them just ahead?

Tony glided up stealthily, keeping below the waves so that his fin wouldn’t show through. The dangly pink legs were kicking back and forth above him. The human also appeared to have one of those the long pieces of wood they were all so fond of.

Curiously, Tony nudged one foot lightly with his nose. The human kicked as if surprised. Tony nudged it again.

Just then the water above them swelled, and the human kicked frantically and then pushed away, his board carrying him off in the wave.

Hmmm, thought Tony, disappointed that the strange creature had disappeared. He’d wanted to experiment with it a bit more. 

Really, why was Pepper so nervous about the humans anyway? They hardly looked like they could swim at all.  

 

 

Steve looked out over the crowd of tourists assembled in front of him on the pier. It was a perfect sunny day and the ocean wind was to his back. Twenty or so round, pale, expectant faces were listening to him complete his lecture.

“So my boss, Professor Romanov, has been involved in tagging the local great white population. So far we have seven animals tagged, and just seeing their migration patterns has already taught us a lot that we didn’t previously know about-”

“Tell us how you lost your arm!” some kid in the back called out, interrupting him. Steve felt his face going red.

“Well, sure, folks, I can tell you about that if you want. You see, back in 2010 I was surfing off the coast of Australia when-” 

To be honest, to this day he wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. One minute he’d been enjoying the waves, another cheerful vacationer, and then next minute he’d been thrown through the water, fighting for his life. Luckily – he didn’t know how – he had somehow managed to free his arm and swim to safety while the shark, probably disoriented, didn’t follow.  He’d lost his arm, sure, but it had given him a respect for the animals and the natural world that he hadn’t had before. Steve had used the years following that incident to go to graduate school to become a marine biologist. In just a few months, once he graduated, he’d become one officially. 

“So, to summarize, these majestic animals need our respect and our protection,” he said, returning to his usual canned lecture. “Great whites are magnificent, dangerous predators, and-”

“Did it hurt? When the great white took your arm off?”

Steve ground his teeth, and tried to keep on smiling.

 

 

When he got back to the office Clint, Natasha's husband, had his feet up on the desk. He was playing with the harpoon they used for tagging – really, that made Steve nervous – as he watched the local news. 

“The Big Guy’s been spotted out by Fury Beach again,” he told Steve, who came over to see what the reporter was saying.

Two surfers were being interviewed, both looking half thrilled and half shaken.  “Yeah, we saw him,” one said, “Big, big shark. We didn’t know he was there until he was right under us.”

“This shark has been spotted close to popular beaches multiple times in the past few weeks,” the reporter said, turning back to the camera with a serious expression. “There have been no shark attacks so far this year, but last year two were reported.  We recommend that swimmers exercise caution. Sharks generally avoid humans, but once they become accustomed to us, can represent a serious risk.”

Steve frowned. “Definitely the Big Guy?” he asked Clint.

“Gotta be, from the size of him,” Clint put down the harpoon. “What do you say, should we take the boat out tomorrow?”

They'd been trying to get a tag on that great white for ages. He was usually sighted along the northern side of the coast, but had been creeping steadily closer to the beaches for months now.  A shark that size had to be smart, and it acted smart, sneaking up on boats almost like it was playing a game.

Steve hated to think what would happen if it attacked someone. Great whites were amazing creatures, but they scared people too, with good reason.  it was all fun and games until somebody lost – well, an arm.

 

 

Tony was cruising high.

He’d had a delicious mahi-mahi for breakfast, and even generously shared part of the tail with Pepper. Then, they’d made a leisurely survey of the part of the coral reef Tony liked to refer to ‘Shark Industries’ and settled in for some nice sun bathing close to the top of the water.  Everything was going well until he heard the hum of a ship’s propeller, getting steadily closer to them.

“Let’s get out of here,” Pepper said.

Tony scoffed at her.

“Seriously, Pep? Every time you hear one of those things, you want to turn tail and run?” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, come on. We’re supposed to be at the top of the food chain here.”

Pepper shook her head sadly. “Don’t you remember what happened to Coulson?”

 Tony bared multiple rows of pointy teeth.  “That doesn’t mean we can’t _live_ , Pepper. We can’t just put our heads in the sand. Besides, I bet this is just one of those tourist swim-with-the-shark deals. We put on a show for them, and they’ll give us a lot of chow. It’s win-win.”

“Sorry, Tony,” Pepper said, flipping her tail sadly as she swam away. “I don’t even know who you are any more.”

 

 

Steve saw the fin first, through the binoculars. “Clint!” he said. “Tash!” 

They rushed over and he passed the binoculars off to them. “Think it’s him?”  Clink asked.

“Yeah,” Steve confirmed. “See that scar on his fin that looks like an arc reactor? All the reports say the Big Guy is known for that.”

“Hmm," Clint went for his tagging harpoon, and Steve went for the bucket of chum. Natasha kicked the engine back on, and they crept a little closer, until they were within a few hundred feet of where the shark seemed to be basking. 

When Steve dumped the first bucket of fish guts overboard, the reaction was instantaneous. A few smaller reef sharks came up, snapping over the bits of fish. Then, suddenly, they left, as quickly as they’d come, and Steve looked out over the water and realized the fin he’d seen before was gone.

And then right under them was the huge body- it had to be fifteen meters long – and then suddenly it was breaching the water, right in front of him.

“Oh my gosh,” Steve said, “Wow!”

“Keep it there!” Clint ordered, and Steve wondered how on Earth was he supposed to do that?

The shark went back to skimming just below the surface, and Steve might have been wildly imagining, but he thought for a moment it looked at him with one beady little eye. 

“Here we go,” said Clint, the harpoon on his shoulder, and he took aim and fired.

The shark lurched back with the impact, a few drops of its blood mixing with the mess in the waters.  Steve thought it had a hurt or offended look, as if it was saying, ‘Seriously? You just did that to ME?”

And then it was diving, disappearing from sight. Steve thought it was gone, but there was one loud thump on the bottom of the boat, as if punishing them before it disappeared for good. The reef sharks began to reappear, anxious for the last of the scraps.

“You got it?” Steve asked, his pulse racing, although he knew Clint had.

 

 

Pepper was unsympathetic.  “I told you so,” she said, nosing at the strange material now firmly wedged into Tony’s fin. “You’re lucky that’s the worst that happened to you. I hope this taught you your lesson about staying away from humans.”

“Whatever.” Tony was still sulking. “Humans are lame anyway. Who cares about them? Sea lions are where it’s at.”

“Of course, dear.”

“I’m still the king of the seas, though.”

“Sure, Tony.” Pepper said, indulging him.

“How do you feel about Australia? I hear Australia’s nice this time of year.”

 

 

Steve knew that the Big Guy had left town, even before the surfers and the lifeguards down at Fury Beach realized they hadn’t seen him for weeks.  Right after they’d tagged him he’d taken off west across the Pacific, heading in the direction of the great barrier reef.  Steve got the final paper he needed for his dissertation out of that migration. 

Their Australian collaborators never saw him, although Tasha did send them an email or two, asking them to stay on the lookout. But it seemed the Big Guy had learned to be shy of people, and mostly stuck to the waters off of less-inhabited stretches of coastline.

Five years later, the radio signal from his tag was still going strong. 

Steve liked to think about it sometimes. His buddy the Big Guy was out there somewhere, swimming around, having a good old time, and probably terrorizing the local fish population. He imagined him as the lord of his sharky domain.

 

 

Tony thought about that human, too – the closest-up he’d ever seen one – with his odd blue eyes and his asymmetrical, scrawny looking fins.  There had been some fear in the human’s eyes. Tony had definitely freaked him out. So Tony had sort of won that fight, even if he had gotten harpooned right afterwards.

Actually after a while he started to like the thing in his fin. It was kind of cool, like jewelry or something.

Pepper said affectionately that he was an idiot.   


End file.
